20150724

“You ain’t gonna believe this, but you used to fit right here. (He gestures to the palm of his hand). I’d hold you up to say to your mother, ‘This kid’s gonna be the best kid in the world. This kid’s gonna be somebody better than anybody I ever knew.’ And you grew up good and wonderful. It was great just watchin’ you, every day was like a privilege. Then the time come for you to be your own man and take on the world, and you did. But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good. And when things got hard, you started lookin’ for something to blame, like a big shadow.

Let me tell you something you already know.The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.

Now if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth! But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that.

I’m always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain’t gonna have a life.“

Rocky Balboa to his son.

20150205

Being in Something I Thought I Never Would

I remember clearly. When we were clueless and naive. I once said.

"I would rather break up than have to be in a long distance relationship."

I remember he asked why. And I said.

"I don't believe in a long distance relationship. It won't work. I don't wanna break up with someone via skype or e-mail. It's silly."

I remember clearly he wasn't hundred percent agree. And yet we don't mind. It was just a trivia question for us anyway.



Until it wasn't.

I remember clearly the day I missed class because I chose to meet him. It was the day that we both knew he was gonna leave soon. We both knew what lies ahead us. We both knew.

We had lunch in Yoshinoya Blok M. He asked.

"So are we breaking up now?"

"I don't know." I said.

"I don't want to."

"I know."

"Then don't."

We finally decided to try.

At that day, we were fine.

At that very day, we were in the kind of relationship that worth trying.

Be the success story you’re looking for. Be the ones to survive your long distance relationship. Be the inspiration for others to follow.

I told myself.


One year and five months.

365+150 = 515 days.

Minus two freakin weeks.

515 - 14 = 501 days.

501 days of not seeing each other.


Long distance relationship is the cruelest form of love.

You lost someone. But you don't deserve to grief.
Without ever went through denial, anger, bargaining, or depression stage. You have to be in acceptance stage at a blink of an eye.

You try to convince yourself. But you are in doubt every day.

You smile when every little things, even one ugly corner of your office, remind you of him. But in the next two seconds you realized how pathetic it is.

You think he miss you like you do. But he may as well simply forget you.


501 days.

I trapped in something I thought I never would.