Awkwardness Award

Hello there, this is the winner speaking. How do you do? I'm fine too, thank you. (Awkwardly posing with trophy in hand)

Other than the smell of jackfruit, small talk is the thing I--if there's any chance--consciously avoid all the time. I always choose to be silent rather than being a deceitful one. I'm mystified if people still think I am nice at all. Because really, I have no ability to amuse people in terms of human interaction. 

Seriously, how do people do that? 

Today I overheard my mom, she was on the phone with one extended family I don't know. Her tone was witty and she laughed (friendly laugh) almost all the time. The conversation wasn't funny though, it was just about our family situation, my sister is now far from us because she lives with her husband, and I, on the other hand, am the only one home for now. I was wondering if my mom wasn't home and I were the one who answer that call, those conversation would be flat and dead already. 

I'm more interested in a deep, insecure, honest conversation. Like, if people ask about my job, what I want to talk about is how bad the financial circumstance nowadays that many people got cut off from their job, I've witnessed myself. Not, how cool it was to work in parliament, because it was not that great. If people ask about my future plan, what I want to convey is I have many alternatives and currently think about several considerations, or even saying bluntly I'm in the state that I have no idea what my future will be. Not, as simple as stating one job. Because life is never that straightforward, is it? Same thing with how people react to any of my questions, I'll be more attentive to the deep, insecure, honest one.

Since I can hardly have those kind of conversation with new people, I guess I just have to take the consequences for being an awkward silent little bundle. (Except I'm not little) 

Anyhow.

I will put this trophy in my self-esteem cupboard with pride.
And anyone who awarded themselves the same trophy, should too.