Things has just scattered all over my head, my mind. Well this is a nice beginning of a-not-so-long holiday, I thought. Got a chance to doing nothing all day long became a really precious gift more than anything, doing nothing and thinking nothing, precisely. Weeks ago, I can't barely sleep due to final projects' deadline, I recklessly took 24 credits this semester where most of my friends only took 21 or 18 for the sake of keeping themselves sane. With bunch of non-academic stuffs I also enrolled myself, I'm already insane from the very beginning. So you guys don't waste your worry-ness for me. *split with a horrible smile holding pom-pom*
Fed up talking about my past, let's just summarize in a short explanation. 2012 has brought me into a better me. Many glimpse of luckiness I guess, also many disappointing moments happened, and that's okay. I could know myself better and that's what I really need to afford (most expensive thing I bought last year! Yeay).
What a sucks cliche lines above. I knew.
Whatever. The exciting things come from the future. Fu-future! *stutter and stammer*
Why I stuttered? Why I stammered? Cause me myself want to release all of my negative perspective upon life and that's kinda complicatdifficultbothersomed (okay new word invented). If I'm being asked what resolution I have for this year, like 20th years before, I have nothing. Or, if this could be counted as a resolution then I have one: being more positive. Yet I'm a big fan of Yin and Yang, I believe we're surrounded by too much negative auras. Hatred, gluttony, wrath, greed, sloth, prejudice, anything. So that I want become an entity who, at the very least, always remember the urgency about being positive. Simple but tricky.
A late piece of a new year thingy, huh? Hope this is apologetically approved cause it's still January anyway. Well then have an amazing year ahead, fellas. *big grin*
20130116
20121121
A fine dilemma
To make a clear prejudice in the very beginning, here I declare that this isn't about my own relationship (it may have some impact to this writing but I don't know where the exact point is). My position here as a life time observer and friends of many kind of person who was involved, involve, and will involve in a relationship itself. I find it peculiarly confusing so I just want to share my confusion.
There is a fine dilemma on how's the relationship supposed to be. If it supposed to be care with each other, how far they two should care. How far they two could called as 'they didn't care anymore'. How is the proper standard for 'care' itself. If the one feels care enough when the other one didn't, what standard do they should obey. And vice versa, if the one willing to shows they care-ness when the other get it annoying, although there will be no rigid standard, who is right and who is wrong. The one who being care or annoyed?
There is a fine dilemma on how's the relationship supposed to be. If it supposed to be being tolerant to each other faults, how far they two should bear. Not to counting each other take and give points, but really, do they should keep rational or just stay irrational for the sake of love. Sometimes rationality wouldn't make their relationship works cause there're much more thing beyond. Sometimes irrationality trapped them two, in a deep pond of fragile lullaby (which is dangerous?). But the worst is, when the one want to keep it realistic and the other one more likely to connive in the irrational side. Which one they should choose. Do they should choose? Yes they do, at least to compromise which quadrant do they stand together.
There is a fine dilemma on how's the relationship supposed to be. How far the significant other take part in it. Do they keep their friends, family, to be the 'supporter' of the relationship or they should put it on the core of relationship. Is a relationship without the significant other's permissions still have to be works? Is a relationship with the cherish of significant other have to be works, like they have a special duties to eliminate the obstacles?
There is a fine dilemma on how's the relationship supposed to be. If it supposed to be accompanying each other through anything, bad times and good times, when they did not, what's left to make the relationship work still? To decide whether it called a proper 'accompanying' through good times and bad times with each other presence, another problem appealingly come. 'He/she not here when I need him/her the most', that sentence, how many they two should bear. When is the right time to say enough and goodbye, and when is the time to keep holding on. To follow emotion and say a too soon goodbye, a great regret that hard to heal will rise. To just act cool and fine with the hidden loneliness (while you are actually in the relationship), another unfunny misery will emerge.
There is a fine dilemma on how's the relationship supposed to be. Maybe a good communication can help.And the forgiveness. And set aside the ego. And the other positive things. But frankly there're very speak-able variables but not really applicable.
I don't know. I randomly remember this phrase, someone who fall in love should never look back. I think it have some good value to see this confusion. Whatever, should never look back.
Ah. I don't know.
There is a fine dilemma on how's the relationship supposed to be. If it supposed to be care with each other, how far they two should care. How far they two could called as 'they didn't care anymore'. How is the proper standard for 'care' itself. If the one feels care enough when the other one didn't, what standard do they should obey. And vice versa, if the one willing to shows they care-ness when the other get it annoying, although there will be no rigid standard, who is right and who is wrong. The one who being care or annoyed?
There is a fine dilemma on how's the relationship supposed to be. If it supposed to be being tolerant to each other faults, how far they two should bear. Not to counting each other take and give points, but really, do they should keep rational or just stay irrational for the sake of love. Sometimes rationality wouldn't make their relationship works cause there're much more thing beyond. Sometimes irrationality trapped them two, in a deep pond of fragile lullaby (which is dangerous?). But the worst is, when the one want to keep it realistic and the other one more likely to connive in the irrational side. Which one they should choose. Do they should choose? Yes they do, at least to compromise which quadrant do they stand together.
There is a fine dilemma on how's the relationship supposed to be. How far the significant other take part in it. Do they keep their friends, family, to be the 'supporter' of the relationship or they should put it on the core of relationship. Is a relationship without the significant other's permissions still have to be works? Is a relationship with the cherish of significant other have to be works, like they have a special duties to eliminate the obstacles?
There is a fine dilemma on how's the relationship supposed to be. If it supposed to be accompanying each other through anything, bad times and good times, when they did not, what's left to make the relationship work still? To decide whether it called a proper 'accompanying' through good times and bad times with each other presence, another problem appealingly come. 'He/she not here when I need him/her the most', that sentence, how many they two should bear. When is the right time to say enough and goodbye, and when is the time to keep holding on. To follow emotion and say a too soon goodbye, a great regret that hard to heal will rise. To just act cool and fine with the hidden loneliness (while you are actually in the relationship), another unfunny misery will emerge.
There is a fine dilemma on how's the relationship supposed to be. Maybe a good communication can help.And the forgiveness. And set aside the ego. And the other positive things. But frankly there're very speak-able variables but not really applicable.
I don't know. I randomly remember this phrase, someone who fall in love should never look back. I think it have some good value to see this confusion. Whatever, should never look back.
Ah. I don't know.
20121104
20121026
Fatamorgana
For them who are blind, have a vision to see many kind of colors, kind of shapes, is too much to ask.
For them who are deaf, to go to a concert with sort of friends enjoying the beat of music, is too much to ask.
For them who are poor, sitting in the car listening itouch then daydreamin, is too much to ask. They didn't even ate last night.
For them who are homeless, fluffy blanket soft mattress comfy pillow, is too much to ask.
For them who are popular, walking in the park buying ice cream without any paparazzi noticing them, is too much to ask.
For them who are just broke up, smoothly turning the lover into friend, is sometimes too much to ask. Thing isn't as simple as that.
For them who are motherless, to see her watching tv while they're busy with their phone, is too much to ask. Even to hear her voice calling their name. Or messaging her for their come-home-late tonight.
For them who are fatherless, waiting him come bring them some supper for the hungry belly, is too much to ask. Even to see his wrinkles, knowing that he's getting older.
But here's a thing, there's nothing too much to give.
Cause everything you thought you're already have, that's not yours.
You genuinely own nothing, sweetie.
For them who are deaf, to go to a concert with sort of friends enjoying the beat of music, is too much to ask.
For them who are poor, sitting in the car listening itouch then daydreamin, is too much to ask. They didn't even ate last night.
For them who are homeless, fluffy blanket soft mattress comfy pillow, is too much to ask.
For them who are popular, walking in the park buying ice cream without any paparazzi noticing them, is too much to ask.
For them who are just broke up, smoothly turning the lover into friend, is sometimes too much to ask. Thing isn't as simple as that.
For them who are motherless, to see her watching tv while they're busy with their phone, is too much to ask. Even to hear her voice calling their name. Or messaging her for their come-home-late tonight.
For them who are fatherless, waiting him come bring them some supper for the hungry belly, is too much to ask. Even to see his wrinkles, knowing that he's getting older.
But here's a thing, there's nothing too much to give.
Cause everything you thought you're already have, that's not yours.
You genuinely own nothing, sweetie.
20121009
Uncle Mitch
Mitch Albom, seeing his books always success in give me a nostalgic effect. Accompanying me during the Very Difficult Times years ago.
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