Shaytards

One post before this, I mentioned that I religiously watch many youtube channels specifically in family theme. One thing I realised is I really am obsessed with family matters. Remember my undergraduate thesis about child care policy in Norway? Children, family, parents, and its relationships really got my attention. Wow. I should have majoring psychology back then. (I'm six years late for considering these things) (And still, the major I'm going to take for postgrad isn't related at all with subjects mentioned. What do I do with my life?)

This time I want to write down some difference of how this family raise their kids compared to general fact here or even my own experience. I picked one of the best (and the first, apparently) family vlog channel in youtube.

1. Dependance of Mbak
Talk about middle-upper class family, kids in here are generally not familiar with household tasks or chores. They got their clothes clean and folded effortlessly, food served, and room cleaned. It is very amusing for me to see how Shay and Collete educate their kids to be responsible and take part in household tasks. I like to see how the kids pack their own lunch, help their mom to take care of the younger siblings, take out trash, clean their own room, or even do the laundry. You might not find it in every episode (yeah I told you that I have binge-watched enough this channel so that I can make a writing out of it), but I see those activities done naturally in the background of the vlog from year to year (they have been vlogging their life since 2008, fyi). They are rich as hell but the kids don't even depend themselves to Mbak to make indomi. Kidding. There's no indomi yet in their vlog.

2. Encouragement
Shay and Collete rarely discourage their kids to do things unless it is very dangerous and could harm their kids. I found it very inspiring. The kids become brave and daring, in a good way. Though the level of brave is different from one kid to the others, still, they have a good foundation for being fearless. I instantly recalled my own experience when I was little when I'm watching them. I constantly heard many discouragement from ih jangan kesitu, takut, takut nanti ada nenek sihir to ih jangan takut jatoh that stop me to do many things. I don't regret my own childhood tho, cause I knew the reason of the discouragement is because my parents love me that much. But in the future, if I have a chance to raise my own kids, I prefer Shay and Collete way in terms of encouragement. Fly, jump, climb, run, try.

3. Physical Activities
To some extent, this is correlated with the point before. Seven years old Avia can do back flip on a grass. The kids do run one mile with their dad once a while. It is a rare thing here to see kids involve in a physical activities with their own parents. They don't have to be athlete tho. And they don't have to be skinny! (interesting huh) The most important thing is that they are physically active. I'm sad if I see any kids who are prohibited to run here and there. Then what they are supposed to do? Sit tight forever and play video game? Sad.

4. Communication
You should watch this episode (7:06) to see how they build their communication with the kids. It is so cute and touching at the same time. Argh. Communication goals. It is so frustrating for me every time I have to talk with my own parents. Because we don't talk that much and I always think, from the very beginning of my teenage-hood, that they didn't get me. Now I write in one point of view as kid because I can't talk about being parents, I'm not there yet. It becomes more frustrating even when I become an adult. Problems in life become so complicated and I need someone to turn into. In the state I am now, I can't talk with my own parents about my problems unless it is very urgent. I think most of my friends are in the similar condition. I want my future kids to feel that there is actually someone trusted who always available for them to turn into. Because I know that life is sometimes mean. Very mean.

Well, that is my simple observation about one of my favourite youtube channel. Four difference highlighted. Out of topic, if you are interested to know about child adoption (which is a very awesome knowledge) (I myself just found it today) watch this one and thank me later.

15 Minutes Challenge

Ok so lately I have a very unproductive life. It has a quite complicated background story and I will tell you how I can get to the point where I decided to do this challenge.

In the end of February, my bosses decided to work-holiday-ing all of their staffs. The main cause is, I would say, because of the insufficient funding situation. Long story short, I got a work-holiday for almost one month. Work-holiday definition itself for me, or at least for us because our bosses told us so, is the phase while you don't have to come to the office but your boss will still pay you a minimum wage of your salary. It is somehow amusing for the first week. Because you could wake up late, stay up late, and don't have to deal with serious thing or being responsible for anything. Though of course you still have to finish what you started before this work-holiday subject came up. The first week is indeed a honeymoon phase. I can tell you that in my real work situation, I have to get up early in the morning and by seven o'clock I should have ready to go, or else I would be late. I barely got a six or five hours to sleep and feel constantly exhausted. So when I got the work-holiday, first thing that came to my mind was I really want to sleep as long as I can. I slept really well for the first week but then I got confused with what I am going to do with my life next.

The amusing phase is gone and next thing I know is I binge watch many tv series. Scandal, fresh off the boats, grey's anatomy, suits, house of cards, 2 broke girls, suits, reply 1988 (Korean), girl meets world, et cetera. Not only tv series, I'm also being a loyal spectator of many youtubers. I subscribed to many new channel I knew, and watch them religiously. Shaytards and his family (caseylavere, carliestyle, katillete, loganmckay, the mom's view), the fine brothers of course, amazingphil, claudia sulewski, and other random youtubers who do the vlogging or doing creative things. I can tell that my sense of humour has been shift to be more crappier than ever. I was very keen to watch or listen to other people's stories, mostly about family life. Itunes podcast and audiobook also got my attention.

Why did I said that the amusing phase is gone? Because although I watch or listen to many good series or podcast, deep in my heart I feel like I'm wasting my time. I am young. I am capable of many things. But instead of work for a living or do something to change the world, there I am with my laptop in bed. The feeling of being unneeded was strong and it ruins myself day to day. I used to be someone who always useful in every situation I faced. Whether it is in school, college, or work. People need me and I am happy to be someone who helped. I am happy to be needed and do the extra work. It may sounds silly but it is what it is.

One month passed by and guess what, almost all of the staffs were called to be back to the office excluded me and several staffs. The reason why I wasn't being a part who were called back is because I will be gone in the next five months (September) to do my master degree and the office couldn't afford someone who won't be there until at least December due to projects reason. The reason was very logical and my bosses explained it very well. I was disappointed a little (not because of their decision, but more because I have to accept the fact that I'm no longer have a job. Like, it startled me a bit for awhile), but it will be very rude of me if I'm still complaining because, dude you got a scholarship, you got accepted at university you want to, what more you want to ask for, you little brat (me talking to myself).

Right when they told me those things, one of my boss requested me to help her finish several articles and book, she aims to submit the manuscripts to international journal. She said that generally every senior scholar have assistant, and she want to have one at least before I go. I found the request very challenging and without second guessing my own judgement I say yes, I want to help. So that was the clear beginning of this challenge.

Because the work itself is to help her write, I basically have no office hour or physical office to go. I have to set my own schedule, write my own to do list, and supervise myself. My boss is a very busy person in the entire world I would say. She is the type of person who could be in Papua today and have to be in Aceh tomorrow, or have breakfast in Jogja, lunch in Sulawesi, dinner at home, you know what I'm saying. The fate of those articles/book are in my hand.

The turning point is, I think I misjudge myself. I think that I am capable of disciplining myself but I am not. I missed my own deadline and lost in the forest of literature. The feeling is like when you work on your thesis and you stuck and you don't know what to do then you stop writing. Except this isn't only for myself and I am the one who said I can help before. I've been stop writing for almost two weeks and this kind of stuck and lost feeling kill me everyday.

I found out that one of the reason that leads me to this abyss of negative feeling is my bad habit. I didn't write that much after I graduated. I procrastinate and I mess up my priority. I procrastinate because I always think that my writing has to be perfect. It has to be written in the perfect timing, perfect place, using rich and perfect literature, and the result must be perfect. The thought makes me so terrified to write. I realised now that I have to embrace the imperfection and just start to write. So by the realisation of this, I challenge myself to write at least 15 minutes per day in this blog. It would help me to deliver my thought in a written form. I don't know when the challenge will ended, maybe for the rest of my life (exaggeration alert), but I know that it starts now, today.

I want to get my old habit to write. Because I know that my speaking sucks but I have at least a little chance to success in writing.

I (finally) decided to share

I do not know how to write in a fun and cheerful mode anymore. I do not know how this could happened and why. I constantly think that the world isn't fine, especially in my own land. It disturbs me every damn day. I feel small not because I am trapped in my sad little world. Heck I don't really care with my little story anymore, boyfriend, friendship, family matters. People flawed, nobody's life is perfect, I whined enough my whole life. I feel small because I've seen world in the cruelest form through my everyday job. Even in the finest moment I can't really be a naive Tita anymore. So bear with this stony kind of post.

I have enough reason to retain my possession of learning in order to keep myself sane. Therefore I decided, galvanized myself, to pursue my higher education abroad. I found haven in knowledge. Knowledge made me despaired and addicted in the same time. It is bizzare but I just can't let myself sink in industrial world and leave the nerdy world. Though I am not kidding myself that maybe someday I will. 

I intended to write this post to share how I made it possible to pursue a higher education abroad. Because what I did before I apply to any scholarship was browsing personal experiences of people who made it before me. I measured myself. Am I deserve to achieve what they have achieved, is my motivation strong enough to persuade people to pay my tuition fee, what is my payback to the society if I ever made it (study abroad) with public's money. As an adult we should know very well that there's no such thing as free breakfast.

Put aside luck factor in this matter. Sure you would feel that your prayer is more powerful than anything. But darling, your prayer is just a weak weapon if you only hold onto it and do nothing more. Not that I am not a religious person, I am. But what I am saying is people often blaming fate, and in this context, God, to justify their laziness. Just do not be like one. I think this is the very first step.

The next step is to ask yourself the hardest question. Why pursue another degree? Why abroad? Why? Is it because you do not want to be left behind because your friends are study abroad too? Because it sounds so cool that you could put your entire years on your social media and get much attention? Or what? Is it truly your call? It is important to answer the questions with the most naked form of reaction of yourself. When you being honest with yourself and have the motivation that come from you, not others, you will have an indescribable comfort and energy to fight for what you want, to face the rocky road ahead. 

The next thing is you have to build your argument. The world does not revolve around you. Who would bother getting what you want if it is just because you want to? The case is rather different if you have enough money to fund yourself. Analyse yourself like playing a puzzle. What major you want to take, is it match with your previous track-record, if it is in fact not, what argument you have to match it, what proof that you have to tell the funding sources that you are a reliable and committed person, what will you do next right after graduation, what will you do next in the long term, emphasise your strength and embrace your weakness like you really know yourself. This puzzle-playing is not an instant process. I spent nearly one year trying to form the puzzle of mine, pieces to pieces. I found it more important even than those overprice language courses. I want to remind all dearly readers to not too focus on technical matters then leave the critical point behind.  

It is not a linear process because somehow along the puzzle-playing you better conduct a mini research about the scholarships you want to apply. The opportunity out there is like fish in the sea. There are plenty. I made an excel sheet consists of the list of scholarship I interested in, including the deadlines, requirements, types of scholarship, the links that redirect to the website, et cetera. It helps me to determine what should I do at the moment and prepare myself for the worst. If I failed in one scholarship, I know that I still have sufficient amount of opportunity so that I would not be devastated from the beginning, let alone wasting my time playing victim.    

When you put your critical point on mind, or at least you are already in the process of seeking those pieces, it is time to put attention on the technical matters. The greatest barrier I experienced myself is language. I am not grew up in an english literate family, I never spend my time abroad to study or work, I do not have much chance to use english, heck when I grew up all english courses was too expensive for me I never bother to think about. If you have more or less the same condition as I am, then do not lose hope. There is a thing called autodidact. A self-taught. And it has to start now. Will you be surprised if I tell you that I never took an IELTS/TOEFL course ever? Because hey, it is english. You can find it anywhere you want to. Familiarise yourself through journals, books, movies, tv series, songs, games, anything. In IELTS context, my teachers are my friends who took those courses and those who effortlessly spoke english fluently, my reference books are downloaded for free, my curriculum is designed by myself. You need no penny. Only strong willingness and commitment to learn. So if you excuse yourself because of your financial situation blocking you to take those overprice courses, you already lose the battle without fighting. Once again, do not lose hope. Use me as the living proof. The case might be different for other language like Deutsch, Mandarin, Arabic, et cetera. 

After the puzzle done and technical matters resolved. Apply the scholarship you want with attention to detail. Make sure you read all the requirements and instructions so you do not ask an unnecessary question. Because trust me, you do not want to look stupid in the eye of beholder.

Make sure things. Do you have to get the Letter of Acceptance from the university before you apply or not? Which english test do you have to get, is it TOEFL, IELTS, or what kind of test? Is paper based allowed or should it be an internet based? Is GRE needed? Should you spare plenty of time to ask for letter of references? How many essay you should make? How many legal document you have to provide? Should it be translated by sworn translator? This should be done by your mini research mentioned above. Win this uphill battle.  

The next battle is the real-time challenge phase, whether it is interview, group discussion, psychology test, and so on. This phase will reveal the truest form of yourself. If you are already finished your puzzle, I do not think you have to worry anymore. You will get the confidence because you know who you are, why you took this battle, what will you do next, how you reach the goals you aspire. The only task is just being who you are and let the jurors decide whether or not you deserve to be the one they pour their funding to. Get a good breakfast, wear your best attire. 

If you are succeed. Remember that it is just a small accomplishment comparing to all people who have actually made world a better place.  

If you are failed. Open your excel file, get another battle if you really want this thing to happen. 

If you are curious about what scholarship I got or have more detail questions about studying abroad, especially UK, do not hesitate to contact me through titaadelia@gmail.com. I wrote here to help as much as I can. 

Sincerely,

Tita Adelia

“You ain’t gonna believe this, but you used to fit right here. (He gestures to the palm of his hand). I’d hold you up to say to your mother, ‘This kid’s gonna be the best kid in the world. This kid’s gonna be somebody better than anybody I ever knew.’ And you grew up good and wonderful. It was great just watchin’ you, every day was like a privilege. Then the time come for you to be your own man and take on the world, and you did. But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good. And when things got hard, you started lookin’ for something to blame, like a big shadow.

Let me tell you something you already know.The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.

Now if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth! But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that.

I’m always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain’t gonna have a life.“

Rocky Balboa to his son.

Being in Something I Thought I Never Would

I remember clearly. When we were clueless and naive. I once said.

"I would rather break up than have to be in a long distance relationship."

I remember he asked why. And I said.

"I don't believe in a long distance relationship. It won't work. I don't wanna break up with someone via skype or e-mail. It's silly."

I remember clearly he wasn't hundred percent agree. And yet we don't mind. It was just a trivia question for us anyway.



Until it wasn't.

I remember clearly the day I missed class because I chose to meet him. It was the day that we both knew he was gonna leave soon. We both knew what lies ahead us. We both knew.

We had lunch in Yoshinoya Blok M. He asked.

"So are we breaking up now?"

"I don't know." I said.

"I don't want to."

"I know."

"Then don't."

We finally decided to try.

At that day, we were fine.

At that very day, we were in the kind of relationship that worth trying.

Be the success story you’re looking for. Be the ones to survive your long distance relationship. Be the inspiration for others to follow.

I told myself.


One year and five months.

365+150 = 515 days.

Minus two freakin weeks.

515 - 14 = 501 days.

501 days of not seeing each other.


Long distance relationship is the cruelest form of love.

You lost someone. But you don't deserve to grief.
Without ever went through denial, anger, bargaining, or depression stage. You have to be in acceptance stage at a blink of an eye.

You try to convince yourself. But you are in doubt every day.

You smile when every little things, even one ugly corner of your office, remind you of him. But in the next two seconds you realized how pathetic it is.

You think he miss you like you do. But he may as well simply forget you.


501 days.

I trapped in something I thought I never would.